“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. ” James 3:17 NKJV
This week has been a reflective one for me. I’ve been observing the way people express their hurt. As an empath, not only do I feel the pain of others but I also sense the depth of their pain, especially if they’re making it public. Personally, I’m at a crossroads where I can either let an offense go or confront those who caused me harm.
As long as we live on this earth, other people will hurt us and we will be offended by their actions. When this occurs, there are several choices we can make as believers:
We can let the offense go, display humility, and allow God to exalt us in due time. (1 Peter 5:6-7)
We can refrain from retaliation and offer ourselves as a sacrifice to meet their needs despite the hurt they cause us. (Matthew 5:38-40)
We can speak to the person individually with the hope of repairing the harm and reconciling the relationship.
If the person is not responsive, then and only then can we bring other people in to mediate before bringing it to a larger body. Then after we have tried a one-on-one conversation, a small group conversation, and a larger body conversation, we can treat the person like tax collectors and gentiles (non-Jews). (Matthew 18:15-17)
Options one and two are available to us, and we often overlook those choices. How many times have we chosen option three, but skipped the step of going to the person 1:1? Perhaps we text our favorite people about the hurt, call up a friend to express our grievance instead of going to the person, or even worse post about the situation on social media whether directly or indirectly. Ouch!
When you do face an offense at the hands of another person in this life, if you can’t free yourself from the offense, go to the person(s) first before calling them out in front of others in an effort to reconcile the relationship. In Matthew 18:17 after laying out the three steps described in option three, Jesus ends his message by saying “And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.”
This part of scripture is deep and often misused. Some believe this gives believers the right to cut off those who have harmed them or sinned because Jews did not associate or socialize with tax collectors and gentiles. But the Bible tells us in 1 John 2:6 that “whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked” — we are to be imitators of Christ!
Jesus broke bread with tax collectors and showed them love, recognizing that modeling love would bring them to repentance. (Luke 5:29-32) Jesus also described non-Jews as neighbors and assisted them by providing tangible acts of healing in their times of need. (Luke 10:25-37, John 4:4-26, Mark 7:24-29, Luke 7:1-10)
Reconciliation is so important to God that He would rather we heal our broken relationships before receiving our offerings of time, talent, and treasure (money). (Matthew 5:23-24) Whoa! Instead of letting our humanity and the ways of the world dictate our relationships, let us be wise and consider what would Jesus do in our situation by following His example of peace, love, and kindness.
Reflection
Who am I out of fellowship with at this moment? How can I choose one of the options God lists when people hurt me? Do I trust God enough to advocate for me if I choose to model the love of His Son?
Prayer
Lord, being Christlike is not easy! Forgive me of the times I let my emotions and flesh lead my decisions, giving more power to the ways of this world than Your Spirit. Help me to model the love of Jesus in all of my interactions. Thank You for sending the Holy Spirit to guide me and empower me for nothing is impossible with You. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
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